He Broke My Wand! & other one shots
by FuryPossessed
Summary: A series of one-shots about Scorpius and his cousin Trixabelle and how Severus Snape, Trixabelle's father, deals with the mess they make. All humour.
1. Chapter 1

**I got bored and missed writing Trixabelle (an OC from my other HP fic - The Doe and The Fawn) so I wrote this. Trixabelle is Snape's daughter and Scorpius Malfoy is there under the watchful eye of Snape whilst his parents are off doing something important. Anyway the beginning of this takes place at Snape's home in Spinners end. **

**For those reading The Doe and The Fawn who have stumbled across this, it happens the summer after Trix takes her NEWT's so two years after the beginning of that story. She's nineteen.**

* * *

><p>"No I'm not helping you with your homework."<p>

"Come on. You know the stuff. It's not like you find it difficult."

"You should have done it before now."

"Come on! Help me." Scorpius whined.

"No."

"Fine." Scorpius grouched and sat back on the sofa with his arms folded across his chest.

Minutes later he stood up and walked over to a shelf pretending to look at some books. He picked up Trix's wand and turned back to her with an evil grin.

"Trixabelle." He said in a musical voice.

Trix's head snapped up from her work. When she saw what her cousin was holding she jumped up already knowing this wasn't going to be good.

"Give it back." she demanded. Her eyes penetrated him even though she was looking at her wand.

"Help me with my homework then."

"No way, Rich Boy."

"Don't call me that." He started bending the wand.

"Give me back my wand and I won't."

"Help me with the homework."

"Just give me back my wand, Scorpius." Trix's voice fell into exasperation.

"Help me and I will." he bent it a little further.

"No."

The wand snapped.

"Oops."

"No!" Trix squeaked and dived forwards across the small lounge of Spinners End towards Scorpius.

They both went falling to the floor taking a few books with them. The sound was enough to make Severus come into the room from where he'd been taking sanctuary from their incessant arguing in the kitchen. When he entered the room he stood impassively in the doorway. Trixabelle was wrestling something from the young Malfoy. They then both stood up and glared at each other.

"What did you do that for? I start teaching the day after tomorrow! I need my wand!" Trixabelle demanded.

"Oops." Scorpio smirked.

"'Oops'? 'Oops!' You… You… Why?"

"What is going on here?" Severus spoke calmly.

"He broke my wand, Dad. Tell me you're going to…"

"To _what_, Book Worm?" Scorpius smirked.

Trix turned back round to him and narrowed her eyes. Her hands were clenched into fists. Splinters from each half of her wand scratched her palms and drew blood.

"Do not call me that." She growled. "You may think that breaking my wand amusing, but when you find out how much Mr. Ollivander charges for commissioned wands you won't be smiling at your sudden lack of funds."

"You can't do that!"

"I'm perfectly sure she can, Scorpius. In fact I think your father will encourage the punishment." Severus smirked.

* * *

><p>"A week! A week, Mr. Ollivander! You have got to be kidding me." Trix beseeched.<p>

"I'm sorry, Miss Snape. It took me that long to make your previous wand. Fortunately I can make a sister wand which should work as effectively as your old one." Mr. Ollivander said mildly. "For now though I think young Mister Malfoy's will work for you."

Trix's eyes bulged and she stayed silent for a full minute just staring at the wand master.

"I… You… Scorpius's? You have got to be kidding me."

"Try it, Book Worm."

"Shut up, Rich Boy." Trix snapped snatching the wand from his hand.

For a moment she stared at the wand preying that it wouldn't work but the lumos she cast was almost as bright as when she used her own wand. Scorpius snickered, Mr. Ollivander chorused his approval and Severus smirked.

"You're not supposed to find this amusing!" Trix almost snapped at him.

"If the situation were reversed you would find it amusing."

Trix opened her mouth to say something but closed it with an audible click.

"Fine." She said a few moments later. "But I'm keeping Scorpius's wand until I get my new one."

Scorpius immediately stopped laughing and Trix smirked.

"Bill the Rich Boy, Mr. Ollivander. Don't worry Scorpius, ice creams are on me."

And with that she flounced out of the shop and into Diagon Alley.

* * *

><p><strong>Hope you enjoyed. Please review!<strong>

**J.K. Rowling owns the wonderful world of Harry Potter!**


	2. Waking Trixabelle Snape Up

**I've decided to do a bunch of oneshots with Scorpius and Trixabelle. I dare say that they will all be horribly out of order but as they are not connected in anyway it should not matter in the slightest. **

**This** **one shot takes place the summer holiday before the last one. So that the holiday before Trix takes her NEWT's and Scorpius will be enteirn his third year. Hope you enjoy. **

**Disclaimer: J.K. Rowling owns Harry Potter **

* * *

><p>Waking Trixabelle Snape: A How To Guide.<p>

By Scorpius Hyperion Malfoy, an experience survivor of awaking Trixabelle Snape on numerous occasions.

Almost died once.

Injured five times.

Forgiven, never.

Enclosed in this leaflet are steps one should take if they decide to awaken Trixabelle Snape. Memorise the steps before waking Miss Snape!

Caution: Only wake up Miss Trixabelle Eileen Snape if her father, Severus Tobias Snape, directly asks you to. Still we advise you not to. In the event of the reader following through with the aforementioned request given by the named parent, we recommend that you follow the following safety precautions.

1) Before you even think about ascending the stairs of #57 Spinner's End check your mental health.

2) In the event that your mental health is sound and you still intend to wake Miss Snape take out your wand before you take another step.

3) Pray to whatever god(s) you can think of that she will be in a good mood when you do finally awake her.

4) Miss Snape has acute hearing. Before you open the door, it squeaks, place a silencing charm on it. Once this has been done open it slowly.

5) Tiptoe over to the bed. Miss Snape tends to sleep on her side. Cross over to the side of the bed that she is not facing as this will allow you more time to move should she try to hex you when you awake her.

6) Pluck up your courage, wish yourself luck and wake her up. Try and do it as quickly as possible.

7) When she awakes raise you wand but keep it in a defensive position as events of the year 2013 have left her somewhat parodied. Although she may already know you it is still advisable that you keep your wand in a defensive position as blurry eyes in the morning are possible and she will hex you or worse if she feels threatened.

8) If she is in a good mood smile and blame everything on her father and then leave the room as soon as possible. However if she is in a bad mood just run and lock the door behind you. N.B. Locking the door will delay her perhaps five seconds. If you are fast enough this will hopefully be enough time to hide behind her father. Whilst you may look afraid you will still be alive for lunch.

Note: Even following these steps it is still advisable to use a disillusionment charm to make you look like Mr. Severus Snape. WARNING: This will only buy you a little time and may make her temper worse when she realises that you are trying to trick her, however this delay will ensure that you have more than enough time to seek shelter behind her father. If you are lucky he will protect you. However Mr. Snape is often busy and may brush you aside saying he simply does not have the time.

DISCLAIMER: WE STRONGLY RECOMMEND THAT ON NO OCCASION, FOR NO REASON NO MATTER THE CONSEQUENCES, WHO ASKED YOU TO, WHAT THE TIME IS OR HOW URGENTLY YOU NEED MISS TRIXABELLE EILEEN SNAPE TO BE AWAKE YOU DO NOT TAKE THIS COURSE OF ACTION. MAFLOY INC. WILL TAKE NO LIABILITY OR RESPONSIBILITY FOR INJURIES SUSTAINED.

* * *

><p>"Cute, Scorpius. Really cute." Trix patted her cousin on the head she and her father had been stood behind the young Malfoy the entire time he had been writing the 'how to guide'.<p>

"If only students paid that much care and attention to their studies they may not get sent to their father's godfather's house as punishment for low grades during the summer holidays." Severus drawled.


	3. Cooking!

**Severus is out for the day and so Trix and Scorpius decide to surprise him by making dinner. **

** Thanks to Hiro Uzumaki for the inspiration!**

* * *

><p>Severus went out in the morning leaving, perhaps most unwisely, Trixabelle to look after Scorpius once again. He didn't plan on being back home much before dinner time and so, naturally, Trix decided to learn how to cook.<p>

"Are you sure this is a good idea?" Scorpius asked.

"Ah I let myself get hit by the killing curse and look how that turned out. It'll be fine." Trix replied looking in the fridge.

She took some peppers out as well as some mushrooms. Seeing some mince on the middle shelf she pulled it out and set everything on the counter. Remembering what spaghetti bolognaise looked like she got some chopped tomatoes out of the cupboard, an onion from the shelf and herbs from the rack.

"Want to add anything else to it, Trix?" Scorpius asked.

"You're head perhaps?"

"I was only trying to help." he grouched.

"Alright, fine. Chop the peppers up would you. And the mushrooms and onions."

"You know I've never cooked before in my life."

"Pretend it's a potions ingredient then."

"This will probably turn into a deadly potion if she's not careful." He muttered to himself whilst trying to find a knife. "At least she hasn't decided to bake a cake."

"Excellent idea, Scorpius! See there is a brain in there somewhere! Now…"

Trix move about the kitchen gathering eggs, flour, sugar and chocolate powder. Baking was one thing she could do in the kitchen… In her aunt and uncles kitchen in Paris where they had a blender. Her father had no such thing however. Never one to fail without even trying she decided to have a go anyway.

She cracked the eggs over the bowl, added the flour and sugar and flicked her wand to stir it. Only then did she remember she hadn't put the chocolate powder in with the sugar and flour. Shrugging she tipped the pot over the mix and began gently shaking the powder out. Something crashed into her elbow sending most of the pot into the cake mix.

"Oops." Scorpius said looking down at the mound of chocolate power sat on top of the cake mix. "Err, sorry."

"Don't worry I'll… err… scoop it out? What did you want anyway?"

"You have to peel the onion right?"

"Oh dear lord. Are you really asking that?"

"I'll take that as a yes then."

"Yes, Scorpius." Trix replied with an exasperated sigh, "You peel the onion."

Scorpius walked back to his station at the unit leaving Trix to scoop the majority of the chocolate powder out, only by the time she had found a spoon most of it had sunk into the cake mix anyway. Shrugging she stirred it again and then began to grease a cake tin. Moments later she heard Scorpius sniffling.

"What the hell?" he asked. "Did you put a potion on this onion or something?"

"Your really never have cooked have you?"

"Ahh! Burns!" he moaned.

Trix turned round to see him rubbing his left eye with the hand that didn't have a knife in it. The eye he'd been touching the onion with.

"Don't do that you fool!" she exclaimed and quickly swatted his hand away. "You know that crying elixir Professor Montgomery made you brew in your first year?"

"Yeah."

"What was the main ingredient?" she asked pulling him towards the sink and stuck his hand under the cold tap.

"Onion juice."

"And what do you have on your hand?"

"Onion ju – oh."

"Yeah wash it off and then finish up with the veg. I'll try and salvage this cake."

For a while there were not further incidences. Scorpius managed to brown off the mince and mix all the ingredients together and Trix put her cake in the oven using magic to cook it as she had forgotten to pre-heat the oven. Then they sat and waited.

"How long does the cake take to cook?" Scorpius asked.

"Half an hour. Cards?"

"Sure. Rummy?"

"Yeah why not."

Instead of walking to the lounge Trix accio'ed the cards over and made them shuffle and deal with a flick of her wand. Scorpius looked at her jealously as he wasn't allowed to use magic outside of school yet. Scorpius went first and put a seven of hearts down. Trix picked it up and put the card from her hand face down on the table and grinned.

"What already?" Scorpius asked.

"Yeah." Trix lay her cards down on the table and slowly fanned them out. "Rummy."

The next game took about twenty minutes. At which point Trix said they should make some icing for the cake. Scorpius agreed and set his new hand of cards down and watched Trix stir the icing sugar and water together until she had it 'perrrrrrrfect'.

"Yeah I'm sure the cats are going to love it." Scorpius snidely remarked.

"Time to take the cake out."

With another effortless wave of her wand the oven door opened and the cake floated towards the table. Having cooled it on the way Trix took the tin in hand and turned it upside-down onto a plate. It crumbled. Everywhere.

"Too much chocolate stuff?" Scorpius asked.

"Yeah."

Trix looked at the icing she had made and shrugged.

"Waste not want not." she said and dipped her finger into the icing and then put it in her mouth whilst waving her wand to clear the mess up. As she did so she glanced at the clock.

"You realise we read the time wrong and it's only four, not five."

"Err… Oops?"

Sighing again Trix waved her to turn the gas off and put the bolognaise under a stasis charm. For the next two hours the cousins played rummy all the while slowly eating the icing. Just when they were losing the will to live the front door opened.

"Dad's back!" Trix jumped up from her chair and ran to the door almost crashing into her father as she did so.

* * *

><p>Severus was dog tired and wanted nothing better than to sit in his chair all evening and do nothing. His daughter in comparison looked like she'd just had five pepper up potions.<p>

"Dad! Dad! Dad! Dad! We made dinner!" she exclaimed far too loudly and much too happily.

She grabbed his hand and pulled him into the kitchen. Scorpius was sat at the table giggling to himself.

"Hey, Trix! I've had rummy for ages, look!"

Suddenly more interested in the cards Trixabelle moved over to the table and looked over Scorpius's shoulder where she immediately began to laugh. Severus rolled his eyes and examined the bowl that sat between the two seats at the table. Icing sugar.

"Trixabelle."

"Y-yeah." She laughed.

"Tell me, have Scorpius and yourself eaten a whole bowl of icing sugar between you?"

"Maybe?" she replied and fell into bouts of laughter again.

"Why?"

"We – we made a cake!" she laughed doubling over.

Severus pulled her up and sat her on a chair. He then stood above her with his arms crossed. Was it so hard to come back to a quiet home? Really?

"But Scorpius knocked my hand and too much chocolate powder went in. When I took it out the oven it – _crumbled!_" She collapsed against the table laughing.

Scorpius had been quietly chuckling to himself the whole time. Taking a large breath Severus moved to the cooker to inspect what was in the frying pan. Inside it was a lump of mince with peppers, onions and mushrooms, all cut to various sizes, mixed into it. Only whoever had cooked the mince hadn't drained the fat off so it was a congealed mess. Sighing Severus asked the obvious.

"And what is this supposed to be."

"Spaghetti bolognaise." Trixabelle deadpanned and then began laughing again.

"If it is indeed spaghetti bolognaise as you so claim –"

"It is bolognaise! I made it!" Scorpius said in a tone of voice that suggested he was five years old.

"Then where is the spaghetti?" Severus finished as if Scorpius had never spoken.

Trixabelle and Scorpius looked at each other for a full minute without blinking.

"Scorpius?"

"Yeah?"

"I think we forgot the spaghetti."

"Oops."

They both fell about laughing and banged their heads against the table. Erecting a silencing shield around them Severus made himself a sandwich and then quickly exited the room just as the shield fell.

"I've got rummy too!" Trixabelle laughed.

Once comfortable seated in the living room Severus sighed and closed his eyes. He was _never_ allowing Trixabelle and Scorpius to attempt to cook _ever_ again.

* * *

><p><strong>Poor Sev! All he wanted was a quiet night in! Oops! Please leave a review!<strong>

**J.K. Rolwing owns Harry Potter**


	4. Cheesecake Anyone?

**Just a very short one this time round. This is basically what happened to me when I was at my grandparents the other day and dessert was served!**

* * *

><p>Dinner was a jovial enough affair at Malfoy Manor on that summer's day. Andromeda, her husband and Teddy were there, as was Kingsley Shacklebolt and his wife Mildred. The evening sun kept them warm even in the shade of the veranda. Various hues of red and orange tinted cloudless sky which was slowly turning into a warm twilight.<p>

Sat between Teddy and Scorpius and opposite Narcissa and Lucius, Trixabelle freely conversed about the last few days of school and her hectic exam schedule. Severus was sat on Lucius's other side talking to Kingsley about something they had both read in _Potions Weekly_. After a while dessert was brought out by Astoria and Draco. There were trifles, jellies, strawberries and cream and, of course, chocolate cheesecake. Everyone fell silent as the bowels were passed around.

Trixabelle looked around for a moment.

"So we're cutting the cake with this trowel thing." she said picking up a silver utensil which reminded her of the thing that you laid mortar with.

"Normally such a refined girl." Severus said almost wistfully.

"What?" she asked.

Scorpius pompously retorted, "That, Trixabelle, is a _cake knife_."

* * *

><p><strong>Now that you all know how much of a ditz I can be, please leave a review! <strong>

**J.K. Rowling owns Harry Potter.**


	5. Diagon Alley  Whoops!

**This chapter is a bit of a revival and, god, have I missed writing Trix! Those of you who've read this before thank ****_LoveLaughMusic5913 _****for powering through everything Harry Potter related in my collection of fics for reviewing and making me want to continue with this. **

**So, read (enjoy hopefully) and review! Let me know what you think! Go on, you know you want to! **

* * *

><p>Severus woke Trixabelle up at a reasonable hour, though she would call it ridiculously early.<p>

"Do I have to get up?" she grumbled.

"Astoria requested your presence at Malfoy Manor half an hour ago," he informed her and then walked back out of the room so that she could dress.

Down in the Spinner's end kitchen Severus made her a light breakfast of fruit and yoghurt and himself some toast and tea. She came down a moment later in jeans, t-shirt and a long denim coat which she'd brought a few days ago and charmed to change colour to complement the rest of her clothes. Her jeans and t-shirt were black as were the boots she wore, so the coat was dark purple and fit her snugly. Her hair was fixed to flow around her face mostly because it was early and she never bothered to do anything with her hair when she'd only just got up.

She looked critically at her breakfast bowl and frowned, "Why have you given me dessert for breakfast?"

Severus rolled his eyes. "Just eat."

She ate quickly and then headed for the floo.

* * *

><p>Trix arrived in the Malfoy's main living room which was currently empty. She actually hated the floo system her relatives had as she never arrived in the same place twice in a row. Fortunately she actually knew where she was this time. Sighing she made her way to the dining room where she assumed she'd find them eating breakfast.<p>

"Belle!" Draco called from the other side of the room before she even moved.

"Hi, Draco," she smiled.

"Astoria and I are needed in the department of mysteries, but we were going to take Scorpius to Diagon Alley today –"

"No. Absolutely not," she interrupted.

"It's only Diagon Alley, Trixabelle. It's not difficult."

"For you maybe. He does nothing but annoy me and make my life difficult. Why can't your mum and dad do it?"

"Because," Draco sighed in frustration, "they are in France."

"Then take him another day!"

"Trixabelle!" the stern voice of Astoria snapped from the opposite door way. "Stop being such a child about this!"

"I am a child," she grumbled to herself.

"Who's taking eleven NEWTs."

"And so likes all the time off she can get."

Draco cuffed her round the ear.

"Okay, fine. I'll take him, but it will literally be just around the shops and then back –"

"To Spinner's End."

She almost exclaimed 'you have got to be kidding me!' but thought better of it and instead walked over to Scorpius who had appeared by the floo. He smirked at her and then transported himself to Diagon Alley. Trix hurried after him.

When she got there he was already running off. She would have lazily flicked her wand to stop him in mid step if the brat hadn't snapped it in half the other week. Ollivander was still trying to make a wand for her, but wasn't getting anywhere fast. Instead she had to run to catch up with him and jerk him to a stop.

"Just where do you think you're going, Mr. Malfoy?" she asked in a smooth voice. "There will be no running off, no dawdling, no ice cream and we'll go to the shops in the order I tell you to. This is a quick trip and by Merlin if you break anything I'm going to _kill_ you."

"Alright, _Professor Snape_, calm down. You're making a scene!" he exclaimed and looked round at the people who were looking at them as they passed by.

Trix let go of his collar, "Which could have been a calm discussion at your house if you had not run off. Madam Malkin's first."

And so they travelled around Diagon Alley for a few hours rather calmly and with, _almost_, pleasant conversation about what classed held in store for them when the new school year began. They got all of Scorpius's books, equipment, clothes and everything else he needed. This year though he was allowed a familiar and so the last stop was the menagerie.

They got there just before lunch which was fine by Trix because they'd be able to have lunch at her house instead of eating in the Alley. Scorpius practically ran into the shop and the door swung closed behind him. Trix sighed and hurried after him.

The shop as always was a joy to be in. Owls snoozed and hooted in their sleep, rats skipped over each other's tails, cats purred and dogs barked. There were other animals in there too of course which all added to the din of the shop.

Scorpius was looking with wide eyes at a large cage filled with tiny monkeys of some kind. They were about the length of your finger and zipped around the cage with excited vigour. Along side that cage was an adult monkey of that species and still it was only about a half a foot tall.

"I want one of these!" Scorpius exclaimed and reached his hand out towards the pin which kept the cage of the tiny monkeys closed.

"Scorpius, no!" Trix exclaimed too late.

He opened the door and dozens of the animals zipped out and began causing chaos throughout the shop. They threw things around, unleashed other animals and threw the sawdust from their cages everywhere. All the animals screeched, barked and meowed in glee as they set about ripping the shop to pieces. Trix wandlessly locked the door and windows so none of the animals escaped.

"What on _earth_ is going on here?" the shop owner, a woman called Jill, asked.

"Scorpius let the monkeys out," Trix growled and ducked out of the way of a cage that came sailing towards her head.

"Then you should have told him not to," she snapped.

"I did! The brat didn't listen!"

"I'm not a brat!" Scorpius snapped a little shrilly as he batted a flock of sparrows away.

"You two tidy this shop up. If any of the animals are missing I'm telling both of your parents and I will make them pay for my losses!" Jill strictly warned and stormed off the office that was behind the counter.

Trix glared at Scorpius. "Start off with the cats. I'll get the dogs."

It took them hours to round all of the animals up. Some of them kept on escaping and letting others out, they played with Trix's hair and knotted her to shelves so that she fell back when she tried to stand, they tied Scorpius's legs together when he was stood still and generally made their life more difficult than it should have been.

"Can't you do something Trix?" Scorpius whined.

"No. Because _you snapped my wand_," she growled and picked a cat up by the scruff of the neck. It had been trying to let the rats back out so he could chase them again.

"You're not still angry about that are you?" he asked putting a parrot in a cage.

It bit his finger.

"Ow! Ungrateful damn bird!"

"Yes, I am still angry about that!" Trix snapped. "It was the first wand that ever chose me! Do you have any idea how long it took to find that wand?"

"Six years," he replied trying to staunch the blood that was flowing from his finger.

"Yeah six years!

"Well use my wand then!"

"You left it at home," she deadpanned.

"Actually…" he put his hand in his coat and pulled out his wand.

It was unusually long, made of ash wood and had a unicorn hair core.

"Why didn't you bloody well say so?" she demanded and strode over there to snatch it off him. "I suppose I'd better heal you," she muttered and traced the wand over the wound.

Then she immobilised all the animals. They were quick to round up after that and cleaning up all the mess they had made was easy. All the pesky, tiny monkeys were rounded up and locked safely away.

Jill came out of the office chuckling.

Scorpius and Trix just stared at her with their mouths hanging to the floor.

"I've not seen anything so amusing for a long time!" she chortled. "Trying to chase monkeys around the shop indeed! And birds too! I almost came out and helped. Oh dear, dear. Had quite the crowed for a while too, you did! Now, what did you originally come in here for?"

"Err… A dog?" Scorpius asked.

"Not a monkey?" Trix asked. "They scare you off with their big, bad claws?"

"One of them bit me too! Look!" he showed her his arm.

She squinted at it and tilted her head and squinted some more.

"Where?"

"Okay, fine. I still want a dog," he grumbled.

* * *

><p>Severus heard them return and smirked.<p>

"Hi, Dad!" Trixabelle called, "We're home!"

She shut the door after Scorpius and his Great Dane pup. They all went into the kitchen and the dog was let out into the garden.

"I heard about your afternoon," Severus mused as he looked up from the Hogwarts papers he was studying. "I heard it was rather amusing."

"It was not," they grumbled together.

"It was hilarious!" Teddy called as he came through the back door. "I only saw a glimpse of it as Harry and I went out to lunch, but it was _hilarious_! And perhaps we can have a demonstration of what happened tomorrow. See I need to go to Diagon Alley and the rest of my family are busy so…"

"No!" Trix and Scorpius quickly, frantically replied.

* * *

><p><strong>So what did you think? Let me know! If anyone has any ideas sent 'em over and I'll work on them and get them out to you ;) <strong>

**J.K. Rowling of course owns Harry Potter. I own Trix and the previous ideas - ****_LoveLaughMusic_**** gave me the idea for this chapter - THANK YOU! **


End file.
